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There is a battle that you fight at a stage in your life.

Some people will encounter it, otherwise might not.  It is thought to be the quintessential reason for your existence.

Who you are and who you will turn out to be.  How you will survive every challenge and if you can leverage off the failures that you face everyday.  I have somehow come to a point where I cannot stand back and watch myself swirl around in the cocktail glass of life.  I am fighting for a reason.  I need help yes, which currently I am getting through various forms.  It is however, a daily battle.  Asking myself, have you got it in you?

So easily do we preach to others words of motivation when we are going through the good times. The fair weather currents that we fly on.  Little do we understand the turmoils, the dark spiritual, mental battles fought by individuals – the last thing you want to hear is some quote by some dead guy.  Somehow a process of elimination would help, dealing with one thought at a time, conditioning yourself to stop thinking of ten million things and stop swinging back into the past with past regressions.

If there was a way to switch off the process of analysis and thought it would be a lot more helpful.  Perhaps harnessing the power to re-channel your thoughts into something useful to solve puzzles.  Then the question stands one whether you are busy avoiding the inner problems that you might or might not have.  Or perhaps it is true that your brain is causing the problem and that there is no other way to fix it except for medication.

I can only conclude today to try and think less for five minutes. Only I am driving myself insane here.

Signing off.

The AC

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Genie
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 20:06:21

    This is completely true – you can go insane or you can choose to do something, a little at a time, and make yourself proactive in how you – at the end of the day – would like to present yourself – not only publically – but also how you feel privately. I think in my case I have been thinking that I am still living prior to 2000 – I simply have not accepted that I am older and out of sync with the wonderful world of Computers 2012 – however what is now happening with Sunflower has been waiting to happen, so I feel that I need to be the really strong one just for her – I happily take medication to leave myself able to assist and comfort whenever – what has happened in the past cannot be undone and I wish with all my heart that life had not been changed – she is my only child and I grieve for her burden -

    Reply

  2. Genie
    Jul 21, 2012 @ 10:17:43

    You been so ill that you have had to be hospitalised for bipolar resultant of the medication you have received, which has resulted in many seizures (brain damage surely) – that in the last few months you have had a miscarriage and other hospitalisations plus hold down a very demanding position at work (how) AND still have the odd Wine or 2 – I began to get the wrong signals and being well informed – have yet to hear of any others that I have known with similar illness manage as you have – never having had seizures and all of the rest I cannot comment- but what really complicates your scenario is STRESS which is creator and aggravator of the Almighty switch and mood swing – your life has been on over-ride – prior to ECT I was able to take on anything – the person left behind is the one writing about her illness who had never, in any case, wanted to make that information known – Aqua – water – charne /balance – related to the fluid within the inner ear – i am striving to be a balanced person – I have improved enormously with the introduction of Lithium in addition to antipsychotics/anti-anxiety treatment – to keep an even balance -

    Reply

    • aquaticcharne
      Jul 21, 2012 @ 11:12:45

      Yes all seems rosey…but being placed on two weeks sick leave I am yet to see if i have a job left when I get back after the 27th. My anxiety is at all time high. Whether my department want me back as a functional worker… I am slowly but surely getting there but if i lose my position my life is over. I am scared but need to hang on for dear life. I recently found out from another psychiatrist that the manner in which the Clonazepam was prescribed was incorrect and could in effect have caused the few seizures I had. So I have a few strong words for my current psychiatrist once I see him. Life goes forward I suppose.

      Reply

  3. Genie
    Jul 21, 2012 @ 17:00:52

    I am surprised that you are functioning – the hospitalisations that I have undergone have been the same procedure time and time again – build up the mood stabilizer dosage to toxic levels – leave until mood starts to recede – usually 3 days and then bring down the dosage gradually until normal – so that would be 7 days and several weeks to become öne’s normal self – have no idea where you have been getting your treatment but mine is identical Treatment as per Private or State. The Rivitrol is highly addictive – controlled and careful dosage is necessary – I had terrific treatment in Howick from my Psychiatrist to my Psychologist – Psychologist an absolute necessity – meds don’t work without – you will need to accept that your life has changed as a result of this illness – guard your territories and barricade the moats – this person has to be an island in order to survive – no quotes from long passed famous people – just facts – I cant do anymore but I have said it all …

    Reply

  4. Genie
    Jul 30, 2012 @ 17:39:56

    If there is one thing that I have learned about eventually – is that there are still people out there who are prepared to go the whole way and take a chance on somebody who has been and still is quite special – but now cannot be relied upon because of Mental Illness – in the past my career was ruined because of this and I had proven my abilities – I am overwhelmed at the pure goodness of Linkedin – they took a second look at the application and I became a Plus! I am unable to work but achieved much and am proud to be owner of several sought after Awards – good happenings for me are not easy to come by – this was a very Good Happening -

    Reply

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